If you have ever woken up to a chum-soaked apartment door, then read on, because the culprit has been exposed.

The six-foot-tall terror has been wreaking havoc within the Muslim Student Association (MSA) since he came to the University.

Tahir Hafeez describes himself as "enigmatic," and he is a seasoned veteran in the realm of molesting the common man.

After returning from Boxes and Walls on Tuesday night, exclaiming that he wanted to create an umpire discrimination station next year, he recalled an incident that took place last semester involving some fish bait bought from Meijer.

"You might as well call it 'sewer bait,' because that's what it smelled like," he said.

Hafeez was on crutches at the time, due to a basketball injury — his nickname on the court is "Barkley" due to his rebounding abilities — and so several freshmen in MSA were recruited and led by Hafeez in the mission.

"It was literally like an army operation," Hafeez said. "I was on the cell phone calling them and we hit ... eight or nine apartments in less than ten minutes."

And by "hit" he means smeared their doorways with the bloody fish guts.

Other notable gags include melting cod fish oil capsules in doorways with an aerosol can and a lighter and putting a friend's car on cinder blocks, then decorating it with Vaseline and hiding the tires around campus.

It used to be a habit of MSA members to play gags on each other throughout the school year, and especially during finals week, but Hafeez said nobody has committed any serious pranks since his last doorway fish-chum opus.

"I don't want to be cocky or anything, but that really was the prank to end all pranks," he said with a grin.

Friends of Hafeez call themselves "the brown house."

"The brown house is a good place to be," Hafeez said, not knowing how to exactly describe the group. He said there are currently about 30 people who are considered members and joked that they were still accepting applications.

Atiya Ismail, senior in engineering and brown house associate, described Hafeez as "incredibly loud" and "sometimes obnoxious on occasion."

But why would our little angel be considered obnoxious? Friend Omar "Sloya" Yassin, junior in computer science and brown house member, revealed one of the brown house's favorite late night activities — yelling at people waiting for the bus from their balcony.

"He's a good friend, down to earth and fun to be with," Yassin said. "He's pretty goofy sometimes … his playlist says a lot about him."

The early nineties Swedish pop group Ace of Base is Hafeez's current fascination, he admitted, and his previous obsessions with the Spice Girls and the Vengaboys have apparently settled for now. But while it might seem as though this brown house leader is out on a loose branch, he is extremely grounded in his academic and personal life.

"He's not just a goof, he's insightful," Yassin said. "You'd be surprised."

On Hafeez's mostly bare bedroom walls there are only six things — a copy of his first "A+" report card in college, an old speeding ticket, a Tt-shirt that doesn't fit him, a blue prayer blanket from Pakistan, a list of brown house catch phrases and inside jokes, and a postcard with a message written on it.

Hafeez was struck with a bolt of brilliance at a friend's house one day and wrote his life's "mission statement" on the first piece of paper he could find — that being the reason for the postcard. It reads, "The ultimate goal is to empower people to help make their own lives better."

Hafeez said that he wants to be a corporate analyst after college because solving problems is what he considers his best skill. "It's just like a skill of being able to analyze circumstances of situations," he said. "I have a good eye at spotting flaws or problems, and once I understand what's going on I'm usually able to come up with a solution."

Still, this smiling gentleman says that it's hard for people to understand him because his logic is not always straightforward. But he's okay with that and is happy to retire each night eating plain lettuce and sleeping on his mattress, which has recently been moved to a bed frame — it had been balancing on a desk since last year.

"I enjoy good things that have happened, and I really enjoy working through the problems because there's more benefit from turning bad into good," Hafeez said. "Most people don't get why I do what I do, but I have clear reasoning if you hear it out."