Wasn't Marty McFly's sports almanac only for the years 1950 – 2000?

Apparently not. It includes the year 2003, and somehow Chad Johnson got his hands on it.

How else can you explain what the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver told reporters Sunday after his team defeated Houston?

"We will win — that's a guarantee," Johnson said. "It's no offense to their organization. It's just the way I feel. Some people might not like it, but I'm confident that my teammates won't leave me hanging."

Imagine that, a hanging Chad. Of course, Johnson has already left his team hanging with his inexplicable guarantee.

Oh by the way, the "their" from his statement refers to the Kansas City Chiefs, the only undefeated team in the NFL and the Bengals' (4-5) next opponent.

Johnson went back to the future, and now he ought to come back to reality.

But to be fair, maybe a closer examination of the Chiefs will reveal some gaping hole in their team that Johnson's Bengals plan to exploit.

Let's start with the offensive side of the ball. The Chiefs have arguably the best running back in the NFL in Priest Holmes, who has 862 yards rushing and 399 yards receiving. He leads the league with 14 touchdowns and is an excellent pass blocker.

Quarterback Trent Green is fifth in the NFL with a 91.7 passer rating and has thrown for 2,203 yards and 14 touchdowns. He is coming off a three-TD, 368-yard torching of the Cleveland Browns.

No hole yet, Chad.

The defensive side of the ball must be where the Chiefs are weak, right?

Wrong. Their defense, which has 19 interceptions, has more takeaways than any other team in football. They have given up their share of yards, but they make big plays when they need to. They have four players with three or more interceptions. Dexter McCleon leads the way with five.

Still no hole, Chad.

Okay, so the Chiefs must be weak on special teams.

Right, and Will Ferrell will win an Oscar for his performance in Elf. The Chiefs have the best special teams player in the league, Dante Hall, who has already tied the record for return touchdowns in a season. He is short, slight and fast as light. He was a shoestring tackle away from breaking the record Sunday against the Browns. Special teams coaches all over the league have had to alter their game plans to try to harness the Human Joystick.

Still not seeing the hole, Chad.

Okay, the Chiefs are not a perfect football team. There is always the potential that they will have a bad game. But they are the best team in football right now. So a guaranteed victory over them makes about as much sense as Ozzy Osbourne.

Talk about bad timing. The Chiefs, rolling along in the season, may have been primed for an upset. But now Johnson has given them motivation that he will likely regret.

This latest statement shouldn't come as a surprise, though. Johnson guaranteed victory twice last season. Once he was correct, and once he wasn't.

So then what's the point of making a guarantee?

Guarantees are really just a waste of breath. They are inconsequential. Players that guarantee incorrectly are usually just let off the hook.

The NFL should impose a fine on players that make guarantees and don't follow through on them. It would be interesting to see if Johnson would still be talking if his paycheck was on the line.

For some reason, I think he might be a little more careful with his words.

In fact, I guarantee it.

Josh Purse is a junior in communications. He can be reached at sports@dailyillini.com