IOWA CITY, Iowa — I wrote about color once before this season — back in the season opener against Mizzou.

Back when the Illini were optimistic. Back before all the injuries. Back before all the insults. Back before all the losing. Back before the Illini's record plummeted to 1-9.

It was back when the Illini trotted out onto the Edward R. Jones Dome turf looking like creamsicles — orange helmets, orange shirts, orange pants, white socks (for the cream).

But the all-orange uniform was merely a gimmick. It was a facade to encourage a listless team to victory. Instead, it inspired Mizzou to a 22-15 win. The Illini have been melting ever since.

On Saturday, the Illini had another close encounter with a color gimmick. They entered the vaunted and haunted visiting locker room at Kinnick Stadium. They entered the Pink Room.

Yes, a pale, dull pink surrounds the visiting locker room. I saw it first-hand during the post-game interviews Saturday. The benches we sat on were painted pink. The walls were pink. The ceiling was pink. The bathroom was pink. The only thing that wasn't pink was the carpet. I think it was gray, but it seemed pink to me.

Pink. Pink. Pink.

The pink locker room was the insidious idea of legendary Iowa coach Hayden Fry (1979-1998). He used his degree in psychology to come up with this brain-teaser.

According to some research I performed in the area of color psychology (Internet search and some knowledgeable art folks), pink is a "calming, low energy, deferring and placid" color. The Hawkeyes have been lulling their opponents into docility and losses at Kinnick Stadium for the past three decades. Iowa is 97-49 at home since Fry took over in 1979. Not bad.

Further research shows that prisons were once painted pink for the same reason — they hoped to make the criminals docile. But eventually it backfired. Apparently, after an extended amount of time surrounded by pink, the criminals found their "equilibrium" and became aggressive instead. Pink pissed them off.

Pink pissed me off.

But one day of changing clothes and going over game plans wasn't enough to elicit an angry and aggressive response from the Illini. They seemed indifferent to the Bazooka bubblegum-colored locker room.

Pink didn't piss off the Illini enough.

"It's all mental," redshirt freshman QB Chris Pazan said. "No I haven't (seen anything like it before). It's kind of funny."

Pink punked the Illini's mentally.

Let's look at how the Illini played pink in their 41-10 loss to Iowa. First, they lost 41-10.

• They allowed Iowa's sputtering offense a season-high 505 total yards. That's the third straight week the Illini have allowed more than 500 total yards and the fifth time this season.

• The Illini allowed more than 40 points for the third time this season and more than 30 points for the seventh straight week.

• Iowa held the ball for 20 minutes and 27 seconds in the first half while the Illini only got it for nine minutes and 33 seconds. Iowa's first drive of the game lasted nine minutes and six seconds, and resulted in a touchdown. It lasted longer than Dennis Rodman's marriage to Carmen Electra, Vanilla Ice's rap career and the XFL.

Orange must have just been the wrong hue for a color gimmick. It symbolizes "warmth, contentment." It supposedly looks strong and generous. It looked awful to me. Maybe the Illini should have tried an all pink uniform instead. On second thought, blue and orange blends just fine for me.

At this point, all that really matters is what color the Illini have left in their hearts. No gimmicks should be necessary this week against Indiana. This is the Illini's best shot at a win against a Division I-A opponent all year.

Red should be the color on the Illini's mind and in their hearts. Red represents "heat, fire, blood, passion, love, warmth, power, excitement and aggression." If that's not enough for a win over Indiana, then the Big Ten cellar will house only one team: the Illini.

On to more important matters, what color should Coach Ron Turner have Memorial Stadium's visiting locker room painted?

Black.

I'll let you figure out why.

Chris Neubauer is a senior in communications. He can be reached at sports@dailyillini.com.