Show some compassion
Elliot Kolkovich |
Ladies, imagine a man standing outside your window, holding a boombox that is blasting what he thinks is "your song." You have told him that what the two of you had was over, but here he is at the break of dawn playing a song like, "Hanging by a Moment" or something.
Is this the overly romantic scene we remember from Say Anything, or are you on the phone negotiating the exact terms of the restraining order?
If he's good-looking, it's probably the former, if he's just some guy that's not attractive, but the four O and O's you had made him seem that way, then he is the term that many ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends use to describe their former "other" — psycho.
So basically, the deciding vote on whether or not someone is a romantic sweet guy who will do anything for you or is a psycho depends on how much interest the person he's doing all these things for has in him.
My point here is that "psychos" get a bad rap.
I've heard many a girl and many a guy refer to their exes as "psychos" and immediately I feel sorry for the psycho. I've been in love and some of the things I've done while under the influence of love are not things I would like to own up to.
But I will for the sake of this article.
In the third grade, I wrote the lyrics to "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling" by the Righteous Brothers on a piece of paper and put it in a girl's sack lunch. I thought I was using a cool song from the movie of the moment, Top Gun, but I guess the lyrics were a little too advanced for my third grade Catholic school class, so I got in trouble.
In the fifth grade, I was desperately in love with Meaghan Calcari, a redheaded girl my age who went to the Lutheran school in my town. Since I went to the Catholic school, I didn't see her much except at the County Spelling Bee every year and at the monthly teen dances of which I spent most of my time sitting in a corner with my guy friends.
I decided the only way to profess my love was to write her an anonymous love letter. I thought since I wasn't doing it at school, I wouldn't get in trouble and since it was anonymous, no one could trace it back to me.
I wasn't very creative so I decided to use song lyrics. Looking back, I wish it had been something cool like, "In Your Eyes," by Peter Gabriel, but unfortunately I picked "Without You," by Motley Crue — needless to say, my letter didn't work.
It would have been all right if this letter had been completely anonymous, but when I addressed the envelope of my "secret" admirer letter, I put a return address on the envelope. I wasn't entirely dumb, because I did erase what I had written, but you could still make out who it was from, so my anonymity was short lived. Meaghan and I still have a good laugh about this.
I wish I could say that in college I've gotten better at all this, but I still have the same touch for melodrama I had when I was 11, it's just not as sappy. Things I've done here include the stealing of a large punching bag, throwing a rock at a girl's window to talk to her, and repeatedly calling someone an obscene amount of times — damn caller ID.
These things that I have done, I do not apologize for. When I did them, I didn't plan on being a weird guy who is sad and pathetic. I was trying to be Lloyd Dobbler from Say Anything, who would do anything to win the girl he loved.
It did finally work out. The large punching bag proved to be a turning point in the battle I had for my current girlfriend.
It's a shame, though, because it doesn't work out for everyone. Hell, it took me 21 years to get my hopelessly romantic actions in tune with the girl I was chasing.
The moral is that we do pretty stupid things when we are in love. Things we can't be held responsible for. I've been in love and I've been to the point where I can't eat and can't sleep, the only thing I can do is drink and smoke cigarettes thinking about why she doesn't love me. I've also been deliriously happy when my love is returned.
So the next time you are talking about the "psycho" who won't leave you alone, show a little more compassion and think about the last time you were on the other side of the equation.
Elliot Kolkovich is a graduate student. His columns appear on Mondays. He can be reached at opinions@dailyillini.com.
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